just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
