wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
