some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
