im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i dont even know how to be here
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
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2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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