I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
