Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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