First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
