do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
