True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
