Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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