I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize