It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
