1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
