well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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