I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
