she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize