Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
