i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
