Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
