Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
