he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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