Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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