I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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