WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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