You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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