I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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