I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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