he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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