The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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