my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
