Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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