dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Let's paint friendship bongs
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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