He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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