Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish my penis had a tongue
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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