That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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