sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
