Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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