Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Come share oat with me in your robe
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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