My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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