I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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