You can't motorboat a personality
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
