I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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