i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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