Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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