Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
