this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
