I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's blow job season.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
