On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
