mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
