his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
