I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it glows. i had to have it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
