dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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