toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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