She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
