My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
